Clouds

Clouds, O clouds

O sighs of dreamers behind windows

Clouds, O clouds

Teach me the joy of evanescence!

*****

Does a man love in order to mourn or to rejoice, does he embrace in order to end or to begin? I am not asking in order to be answered, but in order to shout in the prisons of knowledge. No man can find relief without prior clouds, nor can he achieve victory without prior payment of tribute. I don’t know who dealt out these lots, yet my lot is to play against them. Come, O my tender one and my harsh one, O face of the one woman’s faces, O fabulous tale of my hallucination, O queen of my imagination and its prey, O competitor with my feelings and numbers, come to the quivering fleeting seconds and let us steal what belongs to no one else but us. Fancying you is sweeter than life, you mirage is mighter than death.

*****

O God, ask me, what do you want to know?

I will tell you:

All the curses are washed away by the miracle of a meeting!

The embers of your eyes, my sweetheart, embrace my devils.

You bring me down to the bottom below water

and you raise me to heights loftier than freedom.

I close my eyes, my life, my moon on you

and so, no dreams can betray me.

O fountain of my inner jungles

O ferocious ewe of my inner wolf,

Who will ever fear for his life when desire’s angle is awake, laughing?

No one is born in the world every day.

Only eyes that allure other eyes are daily born!

One look

Only a look

And your eyes carrying the peace of sin will erase the memory of fear,

and the ease of obtaining will be fenced

by the storm of ease!

*****

O milky-white envelope of strength

O visible surface of the sea and concealed countenance of the moon

O soothing reassurance of my drowning

O equalizer of my dream and your movements,

of my disappointment and your wonder

O fragrance of roots controlling the reins of the earth

O little one carrying the burden of compensating  for death,

For life and death,

O one veiled by her nakedness

Confused with her fragrance

Whose fragrance is confused with the lost object I seek

O one confused with her shadow

Whose shadow is confused with my body

O one confused with her hair

Whose hait is confused with my wings

O one confused with her playful sauciness

Whose playful sauciness is confused with my freedom

O one confused with her sweetness

Whose sweetness is confused with my avidity

O one confused with her voice

Whose voice is confused with my sleep

O one confused with her dress

Whose dress is confused with my yearning

O one confused with her merriment

Whose merriment is confused with my envy

O one confused with her thighs

Whose thighs are confused with my renewal

O one confused with her silence

Whose silence is confused with my waiting

O one confused with her patience

Whose patience is confused with my country

O one confused with her forms

Whose forms are confused with my soul

O one confused with her half-nakedness

Whose half-nakedness is confused with my hope

With my hope for the continued fervor of love,

O one on whom I close my will and my surrender

You have not said we are strangers

Because u know how many likes of us there are

Among all those who go beyond their eyes’ range…

*****

And I fear you!

How can a man love the one who causes his fear?

Who would push out a warm person into the icy cold

Or a person enjoying the cool shade into the midday heat?

Who would cast a little boy out or deprive a suckling babe of his mother’s breast?

Why does bad time come

When the breast had not been fully munched?

No man can find relief without prior clouds nor can he achieve victory without prior payment of tribute

Let fate have its wisdom, I will have mine

Let fate have its destiny, I will have my mercy

Nothing has saved us, my sweetheart, but madness

Your net has distracted me from life,

And your amusement has protected me,

The fetters of your hands have bound my heart with song

And the embers of your eyes have embraced my devils

*****

The color of my self is that of the eyes of killed selves,

those destroyed behind a certain door,

behind a certain smile.

It is always a betrayal, an intolerable betrayal

Greater than any loss,

A betrayal that robs you of your life,man,

That robs you of your mother and father

That robs you of your earth and your heaven,

A betrayal greater than your lap, my God,

And no one can do anything!

No one can do anything!

*****

At one time there was nobody.

The air breathed through the branches

And water streamed away and left the world behind it.

Noices and forms were the props pf my dream,

And  there was nobody.

There was nobody without wings.

There was no need for disguise, nor for love and killing.

Everybody was there and there was nobody.

Nobody was ferocious.

The mother was above everyone and the child was with his wings.

And like a thunderbolt

Deadly pain annouced it was here,

In my tender inside, and no one could see it.

And it started to hurt, to cut to the quick

Then pile up the soil of my face,

On my eyes

On my amulet-cloud.

Nothing remained of those vineyards

But a memory that I recalled or that recalled me,

At one time i killed and at another I was killed

And evil was either at my back or in my heart!...

*****

I raised my fist in the face of heaven

I cursed at blasphemed

But tell me how could I put an end

To heaven’s hell within my ribs?

*****

Nothing has saved us, my sweetheart, but madness

When we jumped at the fresh loss

And met our shadows

And so, our darknesses illuminated us

And our laps became waves for the winds.

*****

A poet is the savage who protects our childhood

A composer is the deaf person who makes us hear

A painter is the blind person who makes us see

A dancer is the rigid person who makes us fly.

Only what can be absent can be present

And only what can cause presence can be absent.

Let me then be absent in the evening’s distraction

And so, let the abyss of my eyes swallow me!

*****

What prayer can save?

Every prayer can save!
Desire is the prayer of the soul’s blood

Desire is God’s face above two unknown persons

And the call of the unknown person is to be given and remain unknown.

Desire is the call of one prey to another prey

The call of one hunter to another hunter

The call of one executioner to another executioner

Desire is the prayer of the soul’s blood

Its horse is a winged horse

And its wings

Are the wings of salvation within one’s fist.

*****

Clouds, O clouds

On the void I have drawn my rainbow

Our rainbow, O love,

The rainbow of the daily miracle.

Clouds, O clouds

O swaying howdah of the souls

 My body walks behind you, woman, it walks in front of you, it disappears within you.

Clouds, O clouds

Bless the cursed man walking unto the very end

Bless me

Teach me the joy of evanescence.

Translated from the arabic by Issa J. Boullata

The messenger with her hair

long to the springs

This is the story of the other side of creation

I discovered it, my eyes obscured

The path, my beloved,

Leads from her awaiting me

Leads from my return to her

This is the story of the other side of creation

Listen

Do not shoot the doors

The breakers bear the message to the wind

The wind to the trees

The trees to notebooks.

You, old men with homes, and you, young boys of the streets

Sit this very night in the presence of the lover.

You, who hurry about, did you really leave only to return?

Shatter the night for an instant

Come, gather round the one to testify.

Pray, my love, that I spread a feast, befitting their appetite.

Birds of the harvest season soar past

But your light does not recede, its hand before me still.

I am the collector of your echo’s traces

Read me before they know me, then I will arrive early at the heart

This, in my twisted language, in your vision

This, in my thieving hands, is your treasure

This, from my row boat, is your sea, so watch over your sea from my boat, your eyes the sails that protect me

You, who change life with crushing ignorance

You are the dependable one

You change life, effortless

With the nakedness of purity, to its passion alone do secrets yield

This is your story

The story of the other side of creation

Enable me, God

To reflect on my sin

And for the sake of all my fathers

To suffer their remorse and repentance and then collapse

At my loved one’s feet.

Beloved,

Time of justice ripens in you, may the feast begin

All of life kneels at your feet in me

I am for you all of time’s penitence distilled in one body prostrate before you life’s obedient tenure,

 I wash your door step with all creation’s tears.

I am the devil proffering his soul

Tenderness has triumphed over me

The clouds have swollen behind the locks and the sky’s curtainsare rent apart

The rain yields to the earth

Tenderness triumphed over me, my beloved loved me

My love hauled me up from the bottom of the sea and I saw creation enacted from the beginning

My loved drew me into the light like a prophet at the crossing of road

My beloved lodged me at the source

Joined me and filled me with her presence.

I am your head, then you, loved one, are the halo around mine

I am your head and you the crown on mine

I am the exodus and the return between your two moons

Your love welcomed me in doubt and in conviction

Took me in, rescued me

Freed me from the ubsurd struggle and poured me the wedding wine

It purified me and recreated me

Extinguished what was ablaze and ignited what was ashes

An eternal flame

Your love told me of my identity, one born of you,

The whisper of the lingering echo among the people Bellowed into nations, crashing like cymbals

Ringing like tambourines in your hands:

Halleluiah!

Virtues were circling around me like vanquished clouds

I was speaking an honest language so as to recruit thieves and reduce time, disrobing it of fear

I was foul vinegar in my body.

But I speak one word of yours and perfume alone is distilled

I was addressing love while my door was slammed shut in its face

Addressing it, while my arms embraced a language

Through you I became love, I burned my mouth and so love’s vivid dawn issued forth

Instead of language I became tears

For tears are to God’s grace as waves to an island.

Once my army is a mighty giant and my land was vanquished

Now my army is destroyed by life’s harmony my land a sprawling giant

I lay down my tears, a sturdy bridge across the abyss.

Her hunter is falling

The white sparrow prays for him and he is saved,

The overpowering  one flogs her and she asks about the illness whish consumes him as though it is he who is the victim

He the invader, she at peace

He desperate, she at peace

He tyrannical, she at peace

For she is earth and earth is sky, and the assailants fleeting clouds.

Who is she whose praises I sing?

I say “she” but mean you

I heap them all on you because you stand alone

They are meaningless except for you.

My beloved, I saw the sun beneath her eyes a moon in a river beneath the willow tree

Mad woman, because she is queen the poor grovel for her affection

Mad woman, because she is consummate beauty and completely complete

In nature beyond nature, she dismounts amidst the debris to take pity on me

The woman, the one, the Almighty

Lost to me since paradise

The pearl polished my the blows of ongoing generations

Shrouded in perfection she came into the world, Chosen, unblemished

The perfect choice her wedding dowry unequalled

She is the one to whom I come contrite, with the conscience of all men

Confessing their sins to all women since time’s beginning

Because she is the heiress of splendour, imprisoned in the vaults of the two testaments

Because she is the messenger with her hair long to the springs.

I am knocking, knocking, knocking, open up and erase all that was before

Let the storyteller tell and the sceptic listen

The enchantress is white, there are no black enchantresses

The forest plagued by the lion, delights in the butterfly

It is green because the butterfly is green, its reflection, the forest.

Of your lips

And at your robe’s them draped over a pedestal, I saw the other side

I saw it

O loved one

In your accepting my love I saw giving.

And about you I saw the word, a halo.

I learned from you the sweetness of the moment and the good in people.

You stay up the night in me like a prisoner in the tower, she lights it with her freedom then flying  through the windows becomes a wind in the garden

You stay up the night in me like the flame in the lamp,

Like providence you watch over the traveller.

You found me among mire and thorns, took in the fugitive

And he became radiant.

She is beyond all praise who gives refuge as she does

My image bears fruit in her body

He is a fool who boasts and struts in ignorance as I do

What good is brute strength

When everything is so simple and beautiful

Because you say: I love you

Everything smiles at me

Because you watch over me

I am at peace

Because you suffer life’s tension

I am at peace

Because you issue forth nothing but harmony.

Your body enlivens the spirit and your spirit gives life

You act out your jealousy, strong so the unsure one is placated

You act out your jealousy, weak, so I walk, a master, carrying the keys

Your conceal jealousy, so I think you ignorant.

You know and remain pure

Your jealousy is the jealousy of a queen

And your power to set free is the power of a queen

The opening of your two lips is a feast

Your lips, the master’s wine

Your mouth is ruddy with the sun of your brow

The kindling sings in the fire because your ears are the crowning

My hand is to you one hand, yours a league of hands

You stripped the shade from the tree of remorse

Winter purged me of my sorrow and summer scorched it.

As small as a speck of gold

You dispel black magic

You are one to be savoured, gentle, your hands entwined with love

And every word you speak grows thick with rain

In the body of winds.

As light as ostrich feathers you do not call me forward,

But whatever, with every minute, I come across you, i rush to you after a long absence

So simple, you dazzle wisdom

The world beneath your gaze, is wheat stalks and trees of water

Life quivers alive, the skies above cargoes overflowing with gifts

You are my gift, O God, add my years to hers

Loved one, you are the other side of creation

Loved one, you are truth

In you is my inspiration and wisdom

In you my rapture

In you ecstasy and shelter

You are the reunion of our two bodies, one body at peace with the elements

I am your head but you the halo around it

You do not teach me as men do nor use your power against me

But you are like the virgin Mary in your silence

So I obey you, my sin surrendering to your humility.

I learn from you yet you do not teach

How is it that the one invincible with love spares the life of her murderers

How is it that the lighthouse is small and the darkness vast

And how is it that the small one pervades it

How is it that the one possessed of kindness is mighty, uncomplaining,

And how is that God gave her fear for us

And left fright to the self-deceivers.

O lord

Protect my loved one

O lord, who said to woman: mother

Protect my beloved

O master, Lord of hosts, hosts of dreams

Protect, O master, my beloved

Clear the path before her

Watch over her days

Ripple her fields with pastures of fancy

Make for her every night

The eve of the feast

O lord, God of those who arrange for reunion, the other side of the guarded bridge

O lord, master of seals, contracts, and sighs

Seeking from you their sustenance,

I asked you for blessing for my beloved

They seek from you a place to rest but there is no place of rest except my beloved

My beach, the shores of her sea and her sea a sanctuary

People go to their work while I because of her love go to you

Have pity, O lord, she led me to you

You  at the forefront of my prayer’s possesion

Bless her more than I ask you

So that your gift a flood, swells hope.

She led me to you

She speaks so I say glory to you

She acts and so your river flow in my wasteland

She looks and so I see you

She acts and so I reflect on your miracles

To them earth ends where sea begins

For me land ends beside her feet.

She led me to you and I confessed because she made me dizzy with truth as though drunk

She led me to you for the sake of my soul,

So is it not little no matter how much I ask you?

Until she becomes a gnarled grandmother like the oldest olive tree,

Prolong her days, O lord

And forever renew her land

I believe therefore I ask it

I ask and because of that I believe

My belief stems from her, O lord

Preserve her, bless her

She shines and so I am illumined by you.

I sing you, my beloved

So I may touch their lives with but a trace of your touch on my life

So I may immerse them in the heart-illumining secrets

And in the secrets-illumining heart,

With but a flicker of the light

You shine on my own heart and secrets

So that I be with them in the morning’s awakening a fraction of what you are to me:

A rain of stars

And a sun of wells

Rays piercing me through church glass

Two healing hands.

Begin the feast and sing along with the lover

I embrace you, beloved, from all sides

For you surround me

I asked them to the feast but wish I had not

Who when you appear would not cry “Ah”

Am I really strong and virtuous therefore able to bear jealousy’s weight?

The mountain is a lighter burden than desire, and the earth smaller than jalousy.

Show me a twilight that longs to plunge into night more than I long for you

Show me a mirror that yearns to reflect you more than I yearn for you

Show me a desert that longs for its prophets more than I long for you

Show me a cry for help that yearns for hands outstretched more than I yearn for you

And I am jealous

I feign composure while jealousy’s winds sweep me away like dust

I guard over you fearful, proud and backward

I guard over you capable, despicable

My misary is overwhelming yet there is no end to why I guard over you so

Can it end as long as I see

Can the world, the people, and my love end?

And will I be jealous of my own eyes

For whom do you see in them that I do not?

If I were to be true I would have hidden them, sat alone

So that people would long for your fields in my eyes.

But where can I hide and who am I deceiving?

Ah, why am I not supreme master of my eyes!

The stallion of my jealousy runs away with me, his shadow before him, urging him on

You, truth, be strangled

Why do you sweep me away while the prowlers are around me?

Be patient

Do not leave me in the open so they may rob me

Do not bare my jealousy that they may master my love

Help me to hold it in

Help me

So the masked tyrant in me is not exposed

So that my loved one does not know what dwells inside her slave

Who feigns humility

The greedy one

Torn apart by his drive to dominate

Lest she know

That the one who damns his hangmen fathers, the one who claims himself redeemed from the sin of possession

His heart is still two hearts

The legacy of jealousy tied around his neck

His, a soul which diffuses light yet is murky.

Help me o truth

Be gentle with me

Until I am worthy of her 

Until I kiss my jealousy on the head of its untamed steed, and fulfilling my vows

I unfasten legacy’s necklace

Then I will no longer torture my beloved with presumption

Because I will be a slave with one heart free without breaking away

A slave to her happiness

With one heart

Heart of a slave who waits on her with freemen’s heart.

The enchantress

Believes herself bewitched

By her love’s spell cast over me

I am she

We smother the fire encircling the house

Where we love sleeps

Smother the fire ringing the earth

Where our baby sleeps

There where in the middle of everything

Our love’s branch

Sprouting forests and rivers

Leafing happiness

Bursting into freedom

Bread’s blossoms

And blossom’s bread

Our love’s branch

Reaches up to you, O God

From the bottom of the wounded river

Bearing the whole world

A fruit

Washed by the thorn of repentance

It brings it to you with joy

And the river is laughter

And laughter the colour of a rose.

Beloved

I swear to be your plaything, your captive

I swear to deserve your star on my shoulder

I swear to hear the call of your eyes in order to resist the wisdom of your lips

I swear to forget my poems in order to commit you to memory

I swear to run after my love and swear it will continue to outstrip me

I swear to fade out for the sake of your happiness like stars at day

I swear to house my tears in your hand

I swear to be the distance between I love you and I love you

I swear to hurl my body for eternity to the lions of your discontent

I swear to be your cage’s open door faithful to night’s promises

I swear that my waiting room will be jealousy, my entering it, obedience, my staying there complete extinction

I swear to become prey for your shadow

I swear to long forever to be a book open on your lap

I swear to be the world’s rupture between you and you that I may be in you its solitude

I swear to call out for you so happiness will answer the call

I swear to harbour my country in my love for you and, the world in my country

I swear to love you without knowing how much

I swear to talk beside you and share with you this one friend

I swear that my years swarm by, bees from the hive of your voice

I swear to fall from the lightning of your hair, rain on the field

I swear whenever I come across my heart between the lines, I shall rejoice: I found you! I found you!

I swear to look down from Asia’s peaks, so as to worship you.

O night, night

Carry up my prayer

Hear me O Lord

Plant my beloved and do not uproot her

Enrich her with years unborn

Fortify her with my coming years

Keep her leaves green

Let no wind diffuse her scent

Keep her tent pitched high for in its heights is a sparrow’s paradise

Grant her the life of the cedar so her grandsons may parade, beneath her healing hands

Grant her the life of the cedar so her miracle may transcend distant borders

Grant her the life of the cedar so that many nations submit to her, as my repentance did

Keep her doors open that hope is not strandedat night in the outdoors

Offer her up to the winter years so she gathers what broke away

Watch closely the stars in her eyes, deep in there is birth.

And behold there is rain

The chimneys stand tall to receive the coming.

It rains from a kiss.

The sky looms up

The youthful earth is budding life

The provisions grow high

Listen to the rhythm of the harvest season

The divided kingdom is united

Its crown is love, the kingdom’s peace.

The impossible, a way of life.

It rains from a kiss

Exile collapses

Let the dust of exile grow thick

Come forth

From despair’s depths and the icy heights

From desire’s ruins and the ashes of patience

Come forth

Become me as I become you

I am your transparency

I am he who failed and saved you both.

My beloved unearthed the lost one

Pointed the way to the missing one

The messenger conquered with sweetness

With compassion she conquered armies

She bears witness, disclosing the return.

Come forth

The kingdom is open

Flocks of songbirds at the kingdom’s gate, flutter forth in welcome

At a kiss’throw you stand from the gate

The treasures stand alone

Earth is lonely

Life is lonely

Come forth

Enter, your head garlanded with gold

Burn all behind you

All behind you

Set the world ablaze with the sun of returning.

Translated by Brandel France,

With thanks to Adnan Haydar